The lost #philosopher

There so much I want to say.
There’s so much on my mind.
A myriad of thoughts pick at my brains,
someday my freewill will tear me apart.

There’s so much I want to do
There’s so much I’m capable of.
But a battle ensues between my dreams and reality,
it’s a war that has no end.

There’s so much I can love.
There’s so much I begrudge.
My heart is like the fickle deer,
that skips in all directions but one.

There’s so much I would like to know.
There’s such little time to learn.
They say the cat has nine lives,
while I will disappear in just one.

There’s so much I can tell you.
There’s so much you won’t understand.
They say we will become one with the universe one day,
maybe then you'll comprehend all that I am.

#Nani

#Snowhite hair pinned in a neat knot,
lines of laughter, pain, sadness, joy
engraved upon her #fair skin,
gold-rimmed #spectacles upon her nose,
two ear drops twinkle at her lobes,
a slim gold bangle adorns her hand,
a tiny black dot between her brows.

Chewing upon a little clove,
smelling of a fragrant talc,
clad in pastel shades
of whole nine yards,
a cutsleeve blouse
to ward off the heat,
she walked up to the door
with quick, eager steps.


Her lips stretch in a soft, beautiful smile,
the wrinkles adding to her grace,
she descends the stairs,
like an #angel, draped in blue,
she looks like a lost someone,
someone dear to my heart.

I start to stoop for a hug,
a hug I can’t forget,
the air whooshed out from my lungs,
my ribs cracked in protest,
frail she may be to look at,
years of work have made her tough.
She thumps my back with strong hands
expressing her joy at my sight,
I’m stunned at the #love she emanates
thoughts desert my brain,
I smiled and touched her feet
and she enfolds me in her arms
in another loving embrace.

Childhood memories 1994 – 2008

Fourteen years have gone by,
everything’s transformed.
The roads to my childhood
boast of a dozen potholes
The tree that bore bright yellow flowers
is just a dead stump now.
The pink “phisal patti”
uprooted and gone.
The big, scary well with its metal cast
looks helpless and torn
My mother’s hometown, my childhood playground
Is in shambles now

The house with the long, winding, roofless lobby,
With white stone “alas” carved into the wall
the “bagicha” with “chameli” and “bel” abound,
The kitchen with the old-fashioned stove and stone,
And the high-ceiling fans with their long necks
The house where my nani fed me with her hands
“Paranthas” with mangoes and jaggery
The house where she scrubbed my skin
With “besan” and “malai”
The house where my nani stood vigil at night
While I sat petrified of the tiniest “chipkali” in the loo

Huge earth pots now block the door
The door once blue is now a sickly yellow
There’s not a single crack I could peep through
For a glimpse of my nani’s house
The house of my childhood memories
Is someone else’s now

The temple I once knew
Simple and small
The earth its boundary
The Banyan tree its guard,
The tree that gave shade
To my mud temples
Adorned with wild flowers.
Within the pink stone temple
“Shivji” watched me hide and seek
eyes twinkling at my mischiefs
a ghost of a smile upon his face
I was his favourite companion I know
for every evening I found him waiting upon his throne

The earth is gone
covered with marble now
The steps, the floor, and the walls
All seem aloof and cold
My beloved “Shivji” sits on his throne
unapproachable and alone amidst the pomp
No one to entertain him
or make him smile
The temple of my childhood, my hideout
Seems like a stranger now

As I woke up this morning. There was a familiar tune ringing in my head. It said, "I feel good, ta da ta da, I feel good, ta da ta da. So good, ta ta, so good, I feel good, ta rum pum pum."

Although I did step in to a dirty puddle today with my pretty, dainty heels on. Even though, some dear ones are angry. Even though, I'm doing some damn boring work. Even though I have a pimple "erupting" on my forehead. Even though some cats around meaow at me.

I feel good.
And I can feel the universe adjusting its frequency. I can hear it singing that tune back to me... ta da ta da.... I feel good.

Almost in #heaven

The sunlight sliced through the dark,
exploding into a million twinkling #stars,
dancing upon the surface,
like mischievous little imps,
enticing me to play.


The white foam rushed ashore,
like an escaped convict out to meet its lover,
shortly apprehended and returned to the blues,
leaving behind a fleeting impression of its visit,
beckoning me away from the shore.

The wind was gentle,
wandering into my ear,
singing and whistling a melody,
carrying the scent of salt and sea,
lulling me to a sense of calm and security.

And so I tread into the beautiful crystal blue,
felt the unfaithful sand
beneath and between my toes,
the waves lapping at my feet,
excited to meet me at last,
the sunlight kissing my skin,
warming my senses,
the wind rejoicing in my ear,
sifting its hand through my hair,
as I found heaven on earth.

But I snapped out of my reverie,
for the wind was dead,
the sunlight was eclipsed,
and the waves were celebrating another victory.

I couldn’t swim,
for panic and fear swam in my mind instead.
The murky depths
blocked the tiniest ray of hope.
A few fishes swam by
mocking my incompetence.
The waves laughed at my struggle,
as it pulled at my feet.
The sudden silence announced the inevitable.

A little sunshine

A few days ago, I was taking a walk in my colony lane. I was in a very bad mood. It’s been a very gloomy and dull winter for me. I love winters, but this time around I’ve missed the Sunshine in my face. The Sun had been absconding for a few days now. It was cold inside the house, outside my house, inside my old car. The cold had seeped into my bones and made me miserable and slow. I hated it.

Anyway, I was walking down my colony lane trying to pep-up myself with some endorphins. Cosy in my layers and layers of wool, I tried to appreciate my surroundings. The beautiful house I live in, the lush, green belt that surrounds it, the quiet and solitude it entails. But the chill and the darkness around me stopped me from warming up to all that I have. I was not happy. I wasn’t unhappy either. Just apathetic.

Then suddenly, I saw something speeding towards me with shocking energy. My heart skipped a beat. My slow senses snapped up trying to decipher what in God’s name is running towards me with such force and what the hell for? Before my brain could catch up, I was swamped by such love and affection that I felt it before I could see the source of it. For a while I was stumped, why was I being subjected to such unquestioned love and affection. No warnings, no questions like “may I”, “ may I not”, no pretensions, no doubts. Just a wholehearted need to love and be loved. Gone was the painful silence in my head, the darkness and the cold, and the lethargy in my bones. At that point, the sun could have disappeared forever and I wouldn’t have cared less.

The 6-month-old Golden retriever in my colony had broken free from her mistress. As she was scolded and dragged away for being so naughty, I could feel the sunshine in and around me. Anyone watching could have seen it in my eyes. ☺